The Glad-Spot 1.0

    Welcome to the first installment of  The Glad Spot. I am Joe Glad creator and sole contributor to The Glad Spot. We’re just going to go ahead and refer to it as The G-spot for short. Also for the reason that women have claimed that I couldn’t find one with a map and current sonar technologies… So I’m just going to make my own! Take that, Ladies!
    Some may wonder, What is the point of this G-spot? I am glad you asked (get it, Glad?). I have been told that my perspective on everyday life is more entertaining then most. And perhaps by jotting down my views and observations I may bring something special to your hearts or pants. I prefer pants but beggars cant be choosers.
    In case it hasn’t already been brought to your attention I have what I like to call ‘self-deprecating’ humor. Through time people have tried to make fun of me and put me down. One thing I have realized is that I am far better at making fun of myself then anyone can be! Some self-jabs are true, some not. It is for me and my unlucky ex-girlfriends  to decipher the difference.  And if you are one of those select few… Please, come back. I didn’t mean to say that. I swear, it was a joke.
    Years ago, after the demise of my first real relationship, I decided that I am just one that isn’t meant for a long, happy marriage. I am one of the few that is destined to have 8 short, fun, turbulent bouts with Holy Matrimony. And to be honest, I’m okay with that. I would like to create as many ex-missus-Glads as possible. And if I am lucky I shall also spawn a sequel of myself within a couple. Something about the thought of a mini-Joe just brings a smile to my face and a tingle to my crotch.
    The chances of any of my future ex’s allowing me to create an offspring with them is slim to none, I know. I have had to accept this. And that is why I have realized that the inseminating process must take place while she is sleeping. Which works because the chances of me waking her is very small. Its just how I roll. You may ask yourself, “Joe, with your slightly below-average looks and bigger then small stature and your half-sane mind-set, how do you imagine it being so hard to create a Part II?”

Great question, Glad you asked!

    First off, I named my children years ago. “What does that have to do with anything?” Well, captain question-asker, here it is: I may have put to much thought into those names. If all my prayers and hopes are to come true my fist child would be a beautiful boy. Who may or may not be born with multiple, how do you say, ‘learning disabilities’. And this young, slow boy will be named… Are your ready… Drum roll, Please… Happy Tobey Glad. Now if you haven’t already gotten it, say it out loud. One more time. That’s right.
    Following the birth of Happy, knowing myself, I’ll want another son. But with the world and fate being what it is.. I shall have a girl. And just to spite her for messing with my plans I will name her Joy. Yes, I said Joy. Joy Glad. A brother-sister crew of Happy and Joy. I know for a fact that that boy will have ‘daddy-issues’ and that girl will get legally married and divorced as quick as possible, keeping that unfortunate by-standers last name. Poor, poor guy. I'm sorry, Man.
    Following the disappointment that will be my daughter I will force a woman to give birth to my third child and second son, Joe Glad Part II: Attack of the Clones. I will guarantee he will be a boy because I believe wholeheartedly that marvels of future technology will allow me to choose that, soon to be, ignored Childs sex. And if it turns out I cant add a sub-title to my sons name.. Well, I shall leave this country for a better one.
    After the Birth of Joe Glad Part II: Attack of the Clones, I must admit, my re-producing days will be over. Not because of a lack of opportunities, but because how do you top those names? I mean, seriously. That’s awesome! Oh, and at that point any woman who gets physically involved with me will probably get fixed out of fear I will knock them up and force them to name our child something awesome like I Wish I was Charles Bronson Glad!
    I am aware that you may believe that with this as written documentation it will be borderline impossible for me to get a woman to reproduce with me. Especially since no girl will ever be able to sleep next to me without the fear of waking to my banshee-like Orgasm (Or as I call it, Joe-gasm). But I know that with the power of suggestion, bribery, blackmail, and alcohol it shall happen. Oh, And I mostly will attribute all my future relationships to illiteracy. If she cant read this, she will never know my plan. So do me a favor: If you have a semi-decent, semi-retarded female friend… Don’t read this to her. I will be forever grateful.



The Glad-Spot Epilogue 1.0:
Please understand that this is my first attempt at this. I plan on making weekly installments for your entertainment and pleasure. But like all great things it will get better with input from my friends, readers, fans (ha ha, I know), and creepy-stalkers It will get better. So please join my mailing list by e-mailing me at thegladspot@gmail.com